“FAU could work,” said Lincoln Riley, beleaguered head coach of the USC Trojans. “Good location and low expectations for football and brisket. I’ve already got a line of communication open with the AD there if this thing continues to go sideways.”

“Gus is on track to wind things up at UCF right about the same time I’ll be done in Norman,” said Brent Venables, head coach of the .500 Oklahoma Sooners. “Plus I’m a big Harry Potter guy, so it’ll be nice to be that close to the amusement park.”

“I would have to say FIU tops my list,” said LSU Tigers head coach Brian Kelly. “Miami is such a melting pot, everyone speaks different languages, it’s nice. No need to learn the lingo to try to fit in.”

“Hold on guys, I’m getting another call,” said Sherrone Moore who logged on late. “What’s that,” Moore could be heard saying in the background. “He flipped? YES!” Turning back to the camera to address the group, Moore exclaimed, “Sorry guys, gotta go,” and logged off abruptly.

“Okay, say Dat,” Doucette can be heard instructing Kelly.

“That,” Kelly responds.

“Close, that’s close, try again: Dat.”

“Dat.” Kelly finally says.

“Good!” Doucette then turns the camera toward himself, and continues, “To all the naysayers, see: we’re making progress!”

Doucette went on to explain that Kelly was in week six of a 9-week program, the final two weeks of which include a grueling curriculum of watching fours hours per day of Ed Orgeron interviews.

Doucette’s course, called Talk Cajun to Me, costs about $1,100 and combines traditional lessons with more immersive techniques to help students achieve authentic—or at least passing—colloquial Lousianan speech proficiency.