“The president promised an end to DEI, illegal protesting, and liberal indoctrination more generally. Nowhere are those movements more entrenched than academia. Ivy League schools are ground zero for wokeness, as they have effectively become propaganda brainwashing machines for the corrupt democrat (sic) party, as evidenced by the pro-Palestine protests that have transpired on Columbia’s campus,” said Trump’s press secretary Karoline Leavitt on Sunday from the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room in the West Wing.

“The American people are tired of wokeness and all of its excesses. If the liberal students are going to protest, then they’re going to pay for it at the ticket office when it comes time to gain entrance to their beloved Columbia Lions football games this fall. That should give the dozens of students who attend home football games and who are also thinking of illegally protesting some pause before doing so,” Leavitt continued.

When asked if the administration’s focus on combatting and punishing those who indulge in anti-semitism included any kind of formal repercussions for Elon Musk’s latest expression of Hitler minimization, Leavitt ignored the question and moved on.

“We had three natty’s during Trump’s first term, Biden gets in office, and all of a sudden, Lord Saban retires? Coincidence? And now look at us. I’m not even sure we’re going to make the expanded playoff!” Said one impassioned Alabama fan.

“This season has just been hard to take, we’re like historically bad, with no end in sight,” said a demoralized Florida State fan. “I think the only thing that’ll turn things around for us is a strong leader at the very top, so that’s why I voted for Trump.”

“The Biden administration has been great to me,” said one Georgia fan with a shrug. “Go Dawgs!” he yelled, and then started barking incessantly.

“I can tell you this,” McEnany told the show hosts via Zoom, “President Trump was all-in when this important American game was scheduled at night, as was the original plan. If we’re being completely honest, he thought ‘white out’ meant something else entirely, so moving it to the Fox Big Noon slot was kind of a non-starter for him.”

When asked how the former president would be filling his Saturday, McEnany offered scant details.

“Well, he has a couple of options: he might pick up a shift at McDonald’s in one of the other battleground states, or he might try to squeeze 18 in. Depends on what the polls say on Friday,” McEnany concluded.