“Lest I remind you that Notre Dame is an independent, so in my book, with referee Steve Marlowe & Co. being there, we feel comfortable saying this was a Big Ten-SEC championship game,” Sankey said via FaceTime during the first quarter of the Notre Dame-Ohio State game.

“The teams of our conference should have been here—and undoubtedly would have been here—if not for Parker Jones, or if Steve Sarkisian knew what a halfback dive was. Couple little tweaks here and there and it wouldn’t be just the officiating crew that made the trip to Atlanta tonight,” Sankey said.

What does that mean for the SEC’s claim to still being the most dominant league in the sport? Status quo, Sankey said.

“Look, it just means more in the SEC, what don’t you get about that?” Sankey said, apparently beginning to lose his patience.

“Ole Miss woulda beat either one of these teams anyway, so this championship is ours,” Sankey yelled before hanging up abruptly.

“He’s a big animal, and if the 2019 Sugar Bowl is any indication, he doesn’t like bulldogs much,” Sankey said during media availability on Thursday.

“It’s kind of horseshit—scratch that, BULLSHIT,” said one of Bevo’s Silver Spurs caretakers on the condition of anonymity. “Just because Georgia’s mascot is a wimpy little house dog doesn’t mean he should be allowed in while Bevo isn’t,” the Silver Spur concluded. “If that’s not favoritism, I don’t know what is.”

Where will Bevo watch the game, then? It’s still up in the air, but his handlers say they’ll figure out a way.

“Not sure what Atlanta’s sports watching scene is like, but if worst comes to worst, we’ll hook up a big TV and put it outside of his stall,” our source concluded.