“We don’t know how long Paul will be here…we just know that—right now at least—this is exactly where he should be,” said Mary Davies, Clinical Supervisor at Whole Journey via Google Hangouts on Monday morning.

“It’s not just that the SEC is clearly no longer the dominant league in college football…it’s Saban’s retirement, which is something we’ve been digging into with Paul recently. It seems like he never fully processed that when it initially happened,” Davies said.

“And if you follow that thread, there’s some unprocessed disappointment in Saban’s heirs apparent, namely Steve Sarkisian and Lane Kiffin. Paul thought those guys would step up and keep the SEC at the top of the mountain, and it just hasn’t happened,” Davies continued.

So what does healing look like for the long-time SEC prognosticator? Only time will tell, Davies said.

“The road to peace looks different for everyone. Paul is on his own journey, one we’re just honored to be a part of,” Davies concluded.

“I’m just so proud of these guys, they worked hard all year long for a chance to say they would have beaten any one of the teams who actually made the playoff, and now they can say, they would have been #1,” head coach Lane Kiffin said during the CFP post-game conference via Microsoft Teams video conference.

Ole Miss All-SEC quarterback Jaxson Dart would have thrown for 386 yards and 4 touchdowns against Ohio State or 291 yards, 3 touchdowns, and 1 interception against Notre Dame, who has a little tougher passing defense. He would have added 42 yards on the ground against Ohio State or 57 rushing yards and a score against Notre Dame.

The hypothetical national championship games conclude a four-game win-streak Ole Miss theoretically would have gone on to blaze a trail through the first-ever 12-team college football playoff which would have included victories over Texas, Boise State and Penn State.

A parade is planned for Saturday in Oxford, Mississippi followed by a hypothetical banner-hanging thereafter.

“It’s the only explanation for why the sarcastic tweets stopped,” said an ACC deputy conference commissioner on deep background via telephone call early on Sunday morning.

“Clearly, if Kiffin was being intellectually consistent—as he always tends to be—he would have continued lambasting the CFP for poor selections when it became clear that even conference peer Tennessee was in for a world-class ass-kicking by 8-seed Ohio State. The only explanation that makes sense is that he couldn’t locate his phone,” our source speculated.

Where does she think Kiffin’s phone got lost? There are a number of possibilities, our source said.

“The couch is the obvious one, and so if I were Kiffin, I would start my search there. He also could have dropped his phone in a bowl of tomato soup, which is a cozy winter time meal to eat while watching football. He may have dropped the phone while jumping up and cheering for Tennessee. Anything is possible,” our source concluded.

Emails to Kiffin and his wife Layla weren’t returned, but updates will be published as they develop.

“Well, see, you have a field,” said Steve Sarkisian, head coach and offensive coordinator of the Texas Longhorns. “And, you want to use it, like, the whole thing, so…I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?”

“Here’s the deal,” said Lane Kiffin, head coach of the Ole Miss Rebels, “the wide side of the field is the obvious choice, right? You’ve got all this grass, just begging to be used. It’s ripe for activity. Anyway, our opponents know that, so we do the opposite, and always try to catch them by surprise.”

When pushed, Clemson offensive coordinator Garrett Riley got hostile. “I won’t be answering any questions about that, we made that very clear going into this deal.”

“He’s running really hard right now,” said Rebels head coach Lane Kiffin. “We knew he was fast, we knew he was tough, but we didn’t really expect to have to use him today. But with Jaxson getting his ankle tweaked and a couple of other injuries, it was a sigh of relief to have a guy like that step up.”

The squirrel found an acorn and then ran into the locker room after his last carry. It’s unclear if we can expect to see more of him in the second half.

Ole Miss leads 13-7 at press time.