The tournament—which is fictional, and exists only in the minds of this article’s writer and some random Redditors—began and concluded after two games ended exactly the way everyone who roots against the SEC wanted.

Lane Kiffin wasn’t available for comment but was noticeably avoidant of issuing any snarky, SEC-biased barbs on X (formerly Twitter) as the games played out. Instead, he spent New Year’s Eve re-posting motivational and encouraging Facebook content, largely sidestepping the topic of football altogether.

South Carolina head coach Shane Beamer and Illinois Fighting Illini head coach Bret Bielema nearly threw down mid-game in what most pugilism aficionados would call a weight class mismatch. Illinois would go on to defeat the Gamecocks 21-17.

Michigan, who defeated Alabama 19-13 in what can only be described as one of the ugliest games in college football history, won’t be advancing to the next round because there isn’t one. The Wolverines end the 2024 season with an 8-5 record and riding a two-game winning streak heading into 2025.