“You might as well have told the whole program there was as serial killer in the locker room watching them from inside one of the lockers. That’s how shocked everyone was,” said Neal Broom, Computer Forensics Lab Director at Technical Resource Center Computer Forensics via Google Hangouts on Tuesday afternoon.

“We’ve been working on the technical forensic analysis of this particular case for a while now, and we had a breakthrough recently. Needless to say, the revelation was…chilling. What a twist,” Broom said.

Early speculation surrounding the nature of the whistle-blowing seemed to focus on arch rival Ohio State, but Michigan’s own response to the NCAA released on Monday slashed that narrative for good. The Columbus Dispatch was quick to emphasize that point and absolve the hometown Ohio State Buckeyes of any sabotage or wrongdoing in the turmoil surrounding their arch rivals.

Broom, for his part, speculated on what this terrifying twist means for the Michigan football program.

“This development is a scary part one, but if the NCAA decides to take away the natty? That’ll make for a horrifying sequel for Michigan fans everywhere,” Broom concluded.

“FAU could work,” said Lincoln Riley, beleaguered head coach of the USC Trojans. “Good location and low expectations for football and brisket. I’ve already got a line of communication open with the AD there if this thing continues to go sideways.”

“Gus is on track to wind things up at UCF right about the same time I’ll be done in Norman,” said Brent Venables, head coach of the .500 Oklahoma Sooners. “Plus I’m a big Harry Potter guy, so it’ll be nice to be that close to the amusement park.”

“I would have to say FIU tops my list,” said LSU Tigers head coach Brian Kelly. “Miami is such a melting pot, everyone speaks different languages, it’s nice. No need to learn the lingo to try to fit in.”

“Hold on guys, I’m getting another call,” said Sherrone Moore who logged on late. “What’s that,” Moore could be heard saying in the background. “He flipped? YES!” Turning back to the camera to address the group, Moore exclaimed, “Sorry guys, gotta go,” and logged off abruptly.