“It’s going to be total chaos,” said Middle East historian and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Lawrence Wright via Cisco Webex early this morning.

“We’ve seen this a hundred times: when a strongman like Saban or Saddam exerts control of a region, no one’s happy, but at least we all know what to expect, and that’s total domination, total control.”

“When that regime is toppled, there’s a power vacuum that has to be filled. In college football terms, that means resurgent 5-5 Florida knocks off CFP-allergic Ole Miss, 5-5 Oklahoma makes Alabama look like its squarely in the middle of the Mike Shula era, and Auburn plays with a newfound sense of confidence knowing its overlord rival no longer has a monopoly on power. And Texas A&M, of course, reverts to the mean it knows so well: 8-4,” Wright exclaimed.

What happens next? Anything, says Wright.

“Extremist groups might rise up to seize control, so you might see Vanderbilt start to earn some real respect year-in and year-out. You might see Florida actually turn things around. Missouri might unleash the power of the Ozark tiger. Anything is possible, and we might not like the future we get, even though we all wanted it—except for Alabama fans, of course,” Wright concluded.

Late Saturday night, a review for the beloved Austin Tex-Mex joint Matt’s El Rancho was published to the website Yelp! under the username B. Napier. The full transcript of the review can be found below:

“Had kind of a tough day, and was looking for some comfort food and margs Didn’t have much time, as we had a plane to catch, so we swung by this place—which we’d heard great things about—on the way to the airport.

Patio was nice, the chile relleno was outstanding. Couldn’t take any more burnt orange, so we just got regular margs. Pretty strong, luckily we had a driver for the team bus.

Had plenty of TVs which was great because at least we got to see Georgia lose.

Salsa was a little hot for my taste. Queso was awesome.

4/5, would go back.”

“Is this a cocktail party, or what?” Napier began.

“But seriously, we don’t need them to be hammered or anything. Just a little loose, you know, tipsy, interesting to talk to, slightly uninhibited. I think if we can accomplish that, we can make this a much tighter contest,” Napier told a crowded press room.

“We’re, what…17 point dogs? That’s a motivator in and of itself, no doubt. But it sure would help if those guys didn’t know which side of the line of scrimmage they were on,” Napier continued.

“Did you see what they did to Texas sober? Imagine what they’ll do to us,” the head coach concluded.

A decision from the conference is expected by Friday. This article will be updated as new details emerge.