“If I’m being honest, I have no idea. No one does,” said Shaw through slightly slurred speech.

How then are calls made once they go to the remote replay booth? Shaw says that depends on what region the game is being played in.

“I heard the guys out west just have a gold fish in a tank with a line right down the middle, and if, after about 20 seconds, the gold fish is on the left, it’s targeting, if it’s on the right, it’s not. Pretty neat,” Shaw said.

“Then you got the guys down in the SEC who say targeting is like pornography: they can’t define it, but they know it when they see it. God bless ’em,” Shaw said before ordering another old fashioned.

Will there be any updates made to the rule after some questionable and polarizing calls during the 2024 season, including one that kept Miami unbeaten, one that helped Georgia fend off Georgia Tech, and one that helped the Texas Longhorns advance to the CFP semifinals? Shaw was unable to answer questions by this point, and instead laid his head down on one of the reception tables and began muttering unintelligibly.

“At this point, Cam’s achieved more than anyone in his family or any of the three teams he’s played on would have ever dreamed,” said Josh White, Associate Director of Communications for Miami Football via Zoom early on Monday morning.

“He has nothing left to prove at this level,” White continued.

Can all of Ward’s family count him out for any future leisurely rounds of catch, our staff inquired? That depends, White said.

“If it was his son, or even his favorite niece, maybe,” White said.

“Look, Cam has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play football at the next level. He’s taking preparation for the next phase of his career very seriously, and he‘s hopeful his family and teammates can understand and respect that,” White concluded.

“Bill’s done so much for this team, and we just wanted to reward that by putting our money where our mouth is,” said Hurricanes head coach Mario Cristobal at this morning’s pre-game press conference. “It was embarrassing, frankly, that a guy like that wasn’t getting fairly recognized for his efforts, so we had to make it right.”

Cristobal continued, “Without him, we’re sitting at 6-2, maybe even 5-3 depending on how demoralized the guys would have been if one of those penalties against Louisville stood. But Bill always comes through in the clutch, so yeah, we’re not undefeated without him.”

When asked if he felt this unique approach was ethical, Cristobal retorted, “Would you rather we have our student section throw trash on the field to protest terrible, game-changing calls?”