Documented via Instagram, the sign was apparently swapped out more than four weeks ago after the team’s 0-2 start prompted Fight Irish faithful to reflect on how to right the ship. Odor Exorcism apparently decided it was time to take Notre Dame’s iconic sign up to another level—and enjoy some shameless self-promotion in the process.

“We got in there kind of in the middle of the night,” said Odor Exorcism’s CEO (Chief Exorcism Officer) Father Olor Fresco via Zoom early Saturday morning. “And the way we look at it, ‘Exorcist’ is the highest honor in Catholicism, so we just wanted to do our part to inspire these guys to elevate their play. Apparently it worked,” Fresco concluded.

“It’s kinda nice,” said Notre Dame head football coach Marcus Freeman. “We thought about replacing it, but we’re undefeated since the change, so I think we’re just going to go ahead and leave it until the winning streak ends,” Freeman texted CFB News Now on Saturday.

“It just went on, and on, and ON,” said Sarah Benson, whose husband Dan is still celebrating Ohio State’s 34-23 win over Notre Dame.

“This is the first weekend we haven’t had to plan around college football in I don’t know how long,” said Ashley Williams, wife of Notre Dame supporter Brandon.

“We had this whole Caribbean vacation all planned out around New Years,” said Kristen Hruska, wife of Texas Longhorns fan Jim, ”we were on our way to a bioluminescence kayaking excursion—there are only three of them in the world—and we’re getting all geared up to push off, and guess what happens? Frickin’ Arizona State sends it to overtime. Guess who stayed behind and missed the bioluminescent algae?!” Kristen exclaimed. “If I hear the name ‘Skattebo’ one more time, I might vomit.”

So what does preparation for next season look like? Stretching, spa days, and cold rose, among other things, the women said.

“We’ve got about 7.5 months to recover before the next one starts, and I’m not even sure that’s long enough,” Hruska said before signing off.

The scene, eerily reminiscent of the climactic Danny Ocean-Terry Benedict confrontation from the heist movie Ocean’s 11, was captured on closed caption video and shared exclusively with CFB News Now.

“What happened Day, you get beat by Michigan again or something?” the faux CFP press member said passing Day in the hallway.

“Stop,” said Day, approaching the press member from afar. “I’m going to give you one chance,” Day threatened quietly. “How do I beat Michigan?”

“What if I told you I could get you a win against Michigan, if you would give up the natty…what would you say?” the Michigan man queried.

“I would say ‘Yes,’” Day responded after a brief pause.

“Psych, you’re never beating Michigan” the fan exclaimed, pulling open his jacket to reveal a maize “M” logo on a blue t-shirt. “GO BLUE!” the man shouted before running off down the hallway.

As of press time, Ryan Day and Ohio State athletic representatives haven’t responded to requests for comment. Updates will be made as they are received.

“Is he beat up about it? Yeah, of course he is,” said a Vatican City representative on deep background via Facebook Messenger early Tuesday morning.

“The game just didn’t go how he hoped. He was going to let it play out on the field, but when it got to 31-7 Ohio State, he thought he needed to intervene a little bit on the Fighting Irish’s behalf, so he started reciting ‘Hail Mary’s nonstop, and it almost worked. We were one non-press man coverage play away from having a really interesting ending,” our source said.

Did the Notre Dame defeat do anything to shake the pope’s faith in the almighty or the power of prayer? Not at all, said our source.

“He knows how this goes, he’s been around a long time. He’s seen so many wins and losses like this, not only in the church, but also on the gridiron. He has full belief that the Catholics will make it back and honor the big guy with a natty before too long,” our source concluded.

“I’m just so proud of these guys, they worked hard all year long for a chance to say they would have beaten any one of the teams who actually made the playoff, and now they can say, they would have been #1,” head coach Lane Kiffin said during the CFP post-game conference via Microsoft Teams video conference.

Ole Miss All-SEC quarterback Jaxson Dart would have thrown for 386 yards and 4 touchdowns against Ohio State or 291 yards, 3 touchdowns, and 1 interception against Notre Dame, who has a little tougher passing defense. He would have added 42 yards on the ground against Ohio State or 57 rushing yards and a score against Notre Dame.

The hypothetical national championship games conclude a four-game win-streak Ole Miss theoretically would have gone on to blaze a trail through the first-ever 12-team college football playoff which would have included victories over Texas, Boise State and Penn State.

A parade is planned for Saturday in Oxford, Mississippi followed by a hypothetical banner-hanging thereafter.

“Lest I remind you that Notre Dame is an independent, so in my book, with referee Steve Marlowe & Co. being there, we feel comfortable saying this was a Big Ten-SEC championship game,” Sankey said via FaceTime during the first quarter of the Notre Dame-Ohio State game.

“The teams of our conference should have been here—and undoubtedly would have been here—if not for Parker Jones, or if Steve Sarkisian knew what a halfback dive was. Couple little tweaks here and there and it wouldn’t be just the officiating crew that made the trip to Atlanta tonight,” Sankey said.

What does that mean for the SEC’s claim to still being the most dominant league in the sport? Status quo, Sankey said.

“Look, it just means more in the SEC, what don’t you get about that?” Sankey said, apparently beginning to lose his patience.

“Ole Miss woulda beat either one of these teams anyway, so this championship is ours,” Sankey yelled before hanging up abruptly.

“I’ve never seen anything like the rollercoaster that is the Ohio State fanbase,” said Mark Agnew via Google Hangouts early Sunday morning, a neck brace visible throughout the video conference.

The chart, which is similar to ESPN’s Gamecast win probability tracker, allows viewers to monitor just how likely it is that Ryan Day keeps his job as head football coach at Ohio State.

“If you look here,” Agnew said sharing his screen, “the potential for ‘firing’ maxes out at 96.7% right about the time Jack Sawyer was putting in full effort to defend the ‘O’ midfield logo after the 13-10 loss to Michigan, and Ryan Day was saying, ‘What happened?’ At that point, it was a foregone conclusion that he was pretty much done,” Agnew said.

“Fast-forward a couple of weeks, and then the chart gets back to neutral around the time the Buckeyes were spanking Tennessee. Then, his seat cools off considerably with the Oregon drubbing, and now we’ve maxed out at 99.9% retention with the scoop-and-score ending against Texas,” Agnew said.

So what does all this mean for Agnew’s rooting interests on Monday night when Ohio State takes on Notre Dame for the College Football Playoff National Championship finale? O-H-I-O all day, Agnew says.

“My neck can’t take another whiplash change-of-direction in Ryan Day’s job security, so let’s go Bucks, baby,” Agnew concluded.

“The book of Judith got the axe about 1,700 years ago, but one of the passages speaks of a brutish devil with ruddy cheeks, a dark—but false—black beard, and who claims to be a leader among men. I mean, Judith is just beating us over the head with this one,” Foltz said via X (formerly Twitter) direct message on Saturday.

Foltz said the forgotten text—which he failed to produce evidence of when asked—also speaks of an epic clash between the devil hoard lead by the Antichrist and a group of crusaders wearing green and gold. He believes Monday night’s game in Atlanta, Georgia represents that very conflict.

So does that mean the national championship game carries a little extra weight? A lot more, says Foltz.

“I believe this game is about more than who’s the best team in college football—this game is about the soul of humanity,” Foltz said. “Needless to say, I’ll be taking the Irish not only to cover the 8-point spread, but to win outright, for the fate of all mankind,” Foltz concluded.

“Baaaarfff,” said one Wolverines fan on X (formerly Twitter) shortly after the Ohio State Buckeyes finished off the Texas Longhorns 28-14 in the Goodyear Cotton Bowl semifinal game.

“I’m on Team Meteor,” said another in response.

“Why can’t they both lose?” asked one Redditor on the r/cfbmemes subreddit.

“They may win a national championship, but not a single one from the graduating class at OSU can say they beat the Michigan Wolverines #4inaRow,” said one other X user.

“You had one F*CKING job to do, @TexasFootball.” tweeted yet another X contributor that goes by the username @our_bitch_again.

“Scanning? We’re praying for one,” said Reddit user u/CouldntBeMetho in response to the article title.

So what do astronomers say about the prospect of a celestial occurrence intervening in Michigan fans’ nightmare? Not likely.

“There’s no significant activity expected for the remainder of January,” said Andy Byron, an astronomer based out of New York City via Microsoft Teams late on Monday night.

“Unfortunately for Wolverines fans the world over, it appears that this game will take place as scheduled, and someone’s going to win it,” Byron concluded.

“People are absolutely stoked right now, and they are praying harder than ever,” said Bishop Kevin C. Rhoades via confessional booth late on Sunday evening.

Capacity for all churches within the diocese amounts to around 93,000—which would be considered small-ish by SEC standards—however, Rhoades says every church within his diocese’ boundary was standing-room only after Notre Dame‘s thrilling 27-24 victory over Penn State.

“We had to bring in some temporary bleacher seating to accommodate the onslaught of new believers,” Rhoades went on.

As for the attendees, what did the composition of the newly devout look like? Rhoades said it was a nice mix of people from all walks of life.

“We’re seeing enthusiasm from across the life spectrum: young people, old people, and everyone in between. You have to remember, it’s been nearly 40 years since the Irish finished on top of the college football world at the end of the season, and now that Catholic football fans are starting to see the fruits of their prayers on the field, they’re realizing the power of prayer, and they’re coming back in droves,” Rhoades said.

So what’s the lesson from all of this at the end of the day? Rhoades said simply, “Wining cures all,” before concluding the confession.

“He’s very excited about how this season has panned out. He doesn’t want to say, ‘I told ya so,’ but he had it on good authority that this was going to be a special one,” said a Vatican representative on deep background via Skype early on Friday morning.

“The last time the Irish won it all, the pope was just a bishop, so to be the first pope that presided over a natty, that’s something he would take great pride in.”

How did el jefe decide which piece of art would need to come down to make room? With deep introspection, our source said.

“His first instinct was Jesus, because we have so many of those hanging around, but he didn’t want to upset the big guy. Mary was out of the question, too sacred. Joe was a great guy, did a lot for this congregation, helped raise a kid that wasn’t even his with complete selflessness, but at the end of the day, he’s kind of like Catholicism’s sixth man. He comes off the bench, contributes a lot, but he’s not a super star, you know?” our source concluded.

“Dang it. I was really hoping coach Freeman would be there,” said Dan Le Batard, famous sports journalist and Miami native.

“I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t be making an appearance,” Le Batard said incredulously via iOS messages on Thursday. “Does he have somewhere else to be or something? What could be more important than Casino Night?!”

As of press time, it’s unclear if Penn State head coach James Franklin will be attending the event, as his demeanor as captured on the same video was not as conclusively appalled as Freeman’s.

Updates will be published as they are received.