“You can see me? But you’re in Texas? By what magic does this device operate?” asked William Johnson upon joining the FaceTime.

“When I boarded The Machine—and just before closing mine eyes—a newspaper did appear before me which read, ‘Yale wins again! Long may the Bulldogs reign!!!’ after rightfully claiming its sixth national championship in seven seasons. I was of the belief that things would be altered—even drastically so—but it was certainly beyond my estimations that things could change this much,” Johnson said.

CFB News Now took it upon itself to inform Johnson of the myriad changes that have occurred to the game of college football in the intervening 130 years, including the introduction of the forward pass—which was met with an audible gasp from the time-traveller—the evolution of safety equipment, bowl games, racial integration, the emergence (and then recession) of the BCS, the emergence of the dominant south, Alabama’s 12-20 national championships, Nick Saban, skyrocketing coaching salaries, the College Football Playoff, and of course, NIL and the transfer portal.

“I beg your pardon,” Johnson said after a long pause, “but it no longer sounds like the same game that Coach Walter Camp introduced,” Johnson said before dropping the phone and fainting.

“You want to know how open our borders are? These illegals have their own school!” said one enraged protester.

Said another, “It’s just insane how brazen we are about allowing illegals from Mexico, Central America, South America, Colombia [as he motioned to the stadium entrance] to just go about their daily lives, with no repercussions whatsoever.”

When told that the Ivy League school Columbia was unrelated to the South American country of Colombia, one protester retorted, “Oh yeah, where are you from? CNN?! Fake news!” before rejoining the chant and thrusting his sign into the air.