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October 23, 2024
Chapel Hill, North Carolina – For the North Carolina Tar Heels football team, a season that started with so much promise has soured quickly. The Heels sit at 3-4, and are riding a four-game losing streak into this weekend’s contest with Virginia. No one is taking the downturn harder than head football coach Mack Brown.
Senior associate athletic director Robbi Evans confirmed that Brown missed the start of practice on Wednesday, but was later located in the equipment closet curled up in a fetal position and clutching a small Vince Young statuette, whimpering softly and muttering repeatedly to himself “Miss you…miss you…miss you…”
“He’s really beat up about how tenure #2 has gone here. He did such a good job in the first-go round, which obviously allowed him to get the job down in Austin. He thought when he came back, he’d be able to find that once-in-a-generation talent again to build a program around, and he simply hasn’t been able to do that. Heck, Mack would settle for another Maye brother, or even a close friend of the Maye family, provided he has decent dual-threat abilities.”
Brown wasn’t made available for comment, but CFBNN was told he spent the rest of the day resting and watching re-runs of the 2005 National Championship game.
