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November 7, 2024
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Hundreds of exit polls were conducted as the voting locations closed yesterday, and an undeniable consensus emerged: the vast majority of Americans think their college football teams were better off under Trump.
“We had three natty’s during Trump’s first term, Biden gets in office, and all of a sudden, Lord Saban retires? Coincidence? And now look at us. I’m not even sure we’re going to make the expanded playoff!” Said one impassioned Alabama fan.
“This season has just been hard to take, we’re like historically bad, with no end in sight,” said a demoralized Florida State fan. “I think the only thing that’ll turn things around for us is a strong leader at the very top, so that’s why I voted for Trump.”
“The Biden administration has been great to me,” said one Georgia fan with a shrug. “Go Dawgs!” he yelled, and then started barking incessantly.
