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October 22, 2024
New York, New York – Rob Whalen, director of the Heisman Trust, announced on Tuesday that his organization will not be giving out its coveted trophy at the conclusion of the 2024 season.
“We thought there would be a clear stand-out by this point in the season, but there just isn’t,” Whalen declared during an impromptu Zoom call earlier in the day.
“Jalen Milroe had it locked up after Georgia, but then Vanderbilt happened. Quinn Ewers had his moment, but it seems that Michigan had replaced its roster entirely with players from Ann Arbor High School, so that one’s out. We like Gabriel, but he doesn’t play for Oklahoma anymore, so he doesn’t qualify. There’s just nowhere for us to turn, at this point.”
When reminded that the trophy didn’t have to go to a quarterback, Whalen seemed puzzled. “Huh…are you sure? That doesn’t sound right.”
