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January 8, 2025
Arlington, Texas – A vigilant but slightly confused Texas Longhorns fan has purchased an exorbitant amount of cold weather apparel in anticipation of a frigid gameday experience at the Cotton Bowl on Friday.
“I’m really excited to experience the Cotton Bowl in a whole different weather environment than we’re used to,” said the anonymous Longhorns supporter who originally supplied her name for the interview, but later redacted it for reasons that will become apparent. “The last time we were there in October, it was 80-something degrees and humid. Those folks from Ohio are used to this, so they’re probably all set, but this’ll be a fun new experience for us Texans!”
“I got Hudson and Bella matching burnt orange balaclavas, we got some Smartwool socks—also burnt orange, Hook ‘Em!—and we got those hand warmer packs that people in Chicago just swear by. Everyone got their own Gortex sleeping bag rated for 0º, just in case we go into overtime—this is Texas, after all!—or we’re not able to leave the stadium.”
“Now I know what the Kansas City Chiefs fans have to go through every year!” the anonymous super fan said during a Wednesday morning Zoom meeting.
When told that the Cotton Bowl was being played at the fully climate controlled AT&T Stadium in Arlington—rather than the real Cotton Bowl at Fair Park in Dallas—our anonymous interviewee paused briefly, and then said, “I have to track down some receipts,” before abruptly leaving the Zoom call.
