Ohio senator proposes bill to make it illegal for Michigan to win at Ohio Stadium

By Editor-in-Chief

December 11, 2024

Columbus, Ohio – In a game of apparent political one-upmanship, a controversial bill set to hit the Ohio state legislature floor early next year would make it a felony for collegiate football teams from the state of Michigan to defeat teams from Ohio in Ohio stadiums.

“Technically, it doesn’t prohibit teams from Michigan from winning, only from scoring more points,” said Melanie Cartwright via Cisco Webex, office clerk for the bill’s progenitor Andrew Brenner, both of whom are Ohio State alums.

“Representative Josh Williams was focused on flag-planting, but that’s a symptom, not the problem. The real problem is up stream from that,” Cartwright went on.

So how would the law technically work? Cartwright had some ideas.

“We have some different ideas. Currently, the prevailing concept says if an Ohio home team is ahead with one minute left—unlikely as long as Ryan Day is around—nothing happens. But if the Michigan team is ahead, the scorekeeper must—under penalty of prosecution—adjust the score to put the Ohio team in front,” Cartwright said. “We’re just putting Ohioans first, here.”

“If Day can’t get it done, we felt we had to step in, and that’s exactly what we plan to do,” Cartwright concluded.