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December 1, 2024
Los Angeles, California – USC boosters have confirmed to CFB News Now that—following the loss to Notre Dame—the decision has been made to move on from hapless head coach Lincoln Riley, but only after the cost of his buyout drops below the annual GDP of Polynesian nation Tuvalu.
“Right now, the price tag to get rid of him is somewhere between the gross domestic product of Tuvalu and Nauru,” said one booster on the condition of anonymity. “As soon as we sink under the GDP of the smallest country in the world, he’s out of here.”
Our source continued, “If economic forecasts hold, we’re looking at right after the 2026 season. UNLESS the Tuvalun fisherman have a really good catch this season, in which case it could be as early as next year,” our source said.
“I mean, look what happened to A&M? If they’d have waited a year or so and gotten that $77 million number down to something respectable—i.e. something less than the entire economic output of a tiny Pacific Ocean nation—would they really have been the laughing stock of college football? We don’t think so, and so that’s why we’re going to wait,” our source concluded.
