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November 13, 2024
An end-of-season webinar attended by some of college football’s most sophisticated offensive experts failed to provide clarity as to why their offenses always seem to run tosses and jet sweeps to the short side of the field.
“Well, see, you have a field,” said Steve Sarkisian, head coach and offensive coordinator of the Texas Longhorns. “And, you want to use it, like, the whole thing, so…I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?”
“Here’s the deal,” said Lane Kiffin, head coach of the Ole Miss Rebels, “the wide side of the field is the obvious choice, right? You’ve got all this grass, just begging to be used. It’s ripe for activity. Anyway, our opponents know that, so we do the opposite, and always try to catch them by surprise.”
When pushed, Clemson offensive coordinator Garrett Riley got hostile. “I won’t be answering any questions about that, we made that very clear going into this deal.”
