With BYU undefeated, Jewish starting QB Jake Retzlaff sees afterlife draft stock surge

By Editor-in-Chief

November 15, 2024

Provo, Utah – BYU starting quarterback Jake Retzlaff had good reason to shout “Mazel tov!” this morning as he learned his afterlife prospects are improving with each successive Cougars win.

“He’s just a dynamic guy, what can I say?” said BYU professor of theological scripture Alonzo Gaskill via Google Hangouts early Thursday morning.

“To come in here, and do what he’s done, is opening up a lot of doors for him. He obviously already had Gan Eden locked up, and even just being on the football team made the Terrestrial Kingdom a likely landing spot. But with the Cougs 10-0? He’s got a real shot at the Celestial Kingdom, which is obviously exciting for him.”

Gaskill continued, “He’s versatile, he can do it all. He knows the Torah really well, but to come in here and learn a whole other book of scripture, and to pick up things this fast? That’s impressive, there aren’t a lot of guys who could do that.”

“Bottom line, if he keeps playing like this, he’s going to be able to decide where he wants to be,” Gaskill concluded.